I am a jack ass with deep rooted habits.
I understand that I need to be okay with being alone. I understand that a person who can be happy and productive on their own ends up making a better partner in the long run.
But I’m an idiot….
So I put up another ad on the site I met a bunch of retards on. Remember this winner? Met him on that site. Oh and The Librarian, yup found him there too. As well as an R. Crumb lookalike that was in and out of my life before I started this blog. Absolutely no good came out of this stupid dating site and yet I put up another ad.
(On a totally hilarious side note, Cow Porn Guy (whose blog I deleted when he became an immature twat) is now on that dating site. Here he is, perhaps one of you might want to date him. Hope he finds a lovely lady that will not do all the wrong things that I apparently did on the first date. Best of luck, sir. )
My main reason for putting up an ad was not really to meet anyone, it was just a distraction technique. However, I found an ad for a man that I waxed sometime last year who I thought was totally adorable. We had bullshitted about tattoos, San Diego and what brought us to Portland. I had hoped that he might get my number or at the very least come back for another waxing (and no it was not a ball wax) but I never saw him again. So I e-mailed him on this site. Lo and behold he wrote me back and said that he had wanted to get my number but hadn’t wanted to be that guy. We exchanged numbers and decided to meet up for a drink. I took Lucy along because she’s an excellent judge of character and I am not.
He was adorable, charming, intelligent and a lovely conversationalist. He texted me after he left the bar which is always sweet. Will I see him again? Who knows. Lucy made a slight social faux pas by inviting him out for Valentine’s Day. Trouble being that Tay Tay Jenkins will be with us as well. Tay Tay knows full well that the romance between us is over but he never gives up. Having some new man meat around would be disrespectful and awkward.
Also, it gets stickier…..
I put the ad up thinking, “God I just want someone to hang out with! To see movies with and to fuck!”
But after meeting the new guy, who shall be dubbed The Vegan (cuz duh, he’s a vegan. I would not have dated a vegan two months ago but since I gave up meat and tried out the vegan diet for a few weeks I’m now more open minded. plus he doesn’t seem to be a dick about it.) I started thinking more and more about The Boyfriend, now the The Ex Boyfriend.
I don’t just want SOMEONE. I want The Boyfriend back. The Boyfriend before things got weird and distant. I want that boy who supported my meat boycott by bringing me veggie dishes from his work, who took me to Washington Park with a bottle of wine to watch the city at night, who makes art, reads, cooks, fucks like a champ, looks at me like I’m amazing and in general is someone I have so much fun around.
He and I had lunch yesterday. After much gut ache I had told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me too and suggested a meet up. It was nice and sad and weird. I looked at his bearded face and his pretty blue eyes hooded by a silly baseball cap with the brim flipped up (seriously) and I still adored him. We’ve agreed to grab a beer next week. I have a feeling that to get back to where we were it will be slow going. But if I could have that boy back and have him back the way it was in the beginning….I would be one seriously happy girl.
I miss him.
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